Wednesday, September 14, 2005
im wallowing in self pity.. isnt that so terrible? if it were someone else, i would be telling them to just get over it and move on. heh. great advice. i wish i had the confidence of lee chuiling, the multifaceted-ness and independence of foo xunyu, the thickskiness of my mum, the observanceness of my brother.. the list goes on. i feel like fluff. so what if im studying medicine, doesnt really mean anything now does it. ive just got a good memory.i like thinking about my future wedding day, being people's relationship guru, reading everyones blogs as a daily affair without fail, reading trashy magazines, watching tv - in summary, fluffy things. im always many steps behind ben in terms of knowledge. but i read the papers, time magazine blablabla. i still " dont know anything" the daily words uttered by my mum. here i am crying like a baby on my bed, feeling like the stupidest person on earth.
then pple wil start saying, " but why do you have low self esteem?" " youre good looking, have the perfect boyfriend, loving parents, money to be sent overseas, loyal friends" so i know have to justify my low selfesteemness. justiify justify justify. thats what my whole life is about. becos why? cos my skin is so thin the touch of silk draws blood. whywhywhy? whats the point of having everything when youre so bloody sensitive.
is it so wrong to have someone tel you everything will be ok, instead of using a barbed wire to pick out the dirt from fresh meat withtons of nerve endings. ( my analagies are pathetic, but u get the idea) isnt that the role of parents? but no, i dont heed parents advice , thats why i need an extra wire. its all for my own good. sigh. i know i know.. ok this rant will stop. im stopped crying like a baby. now i just wait for my balloon eyes to deflate.
babs ♥
3:42 pm
link to post
0 comments
