Wednesday, March 15, 2006
argh.. im getting lazy with this blogging thing. but i guess i get depressed alot less frequent now.. which is a good thing, so i dont like turn to this thing for comfort or whatever.
but ANYWAY...
my days have been filled with 3 hours of STUFF.. doing STUFF for a particular birthday.. and with writing up my ssc project ( nazi experiments one), and In course Assessment which revolves around planning a clinical trial to evaluate 2 drugs..
ben's been really achieving alot lately..
playingg tons of golf, tons of tennis, recently got his handicap today, reading tons.. going to a world class uni in oct..
im really happy for him, living the life he wants to..
i guess its made me reflect on my life at the moment..
i wish i had more goals in life - some pple say what about the fact that youre studying medicine? i just say, its a more of a by the way i am studying it kinda thing.. and i know that i will succeed.. so its notlike a personally set out goal.
sometimes i think what are my good points? are there any really? i know people will never say " oh babs was a go getter, she never let anything get in her way, she always went all out to achieve what she wanted to achieve." thats cos i havent set anything out for myself to do.. and if i do, sometimes i let my pride get in the way, like ill ask myself, am i doin it so tht i feel less inferior? and then i feel shit..
im getting more critical by the day.. im less nice, not like before. ive noticed lately i get irritated by the smallest thing too.. i dont really like what im becoming..
im not really giving nor self sacrificing really.. i guess i do have my moments when i am.. but its less then before..
what do people see in me? sometimes i think what people see is so pseudo.. why do people in my life love me? im tempted to ask..
sigh.. i need some sorta focus in my life.. something big to achieve.. without having to be inspired by people around me.. a self driven goal is so much healthier..
babs ♥
9:56 pm
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